what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
