I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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