Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
