WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
