Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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