The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
