nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
