You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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