We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
