It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
