Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
