hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
