so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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