I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
