he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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