Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
