Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
