oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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