Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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