You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
