It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
