Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
