dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
