I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize