4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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