True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
