Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
