So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
