it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can I color on your dick again?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
