I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
its liver damage thursday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
