Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
