ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
