My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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