I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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