Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
