You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
