I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
