That's intense
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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