LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
