AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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