somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
