So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
