Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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