its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had to cum in my sink.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
