And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
