theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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