then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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