My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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