Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
