my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
