wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
