he puts the penis in happiness.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
