guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My cat gives me a boner
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize