Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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