Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
