I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
