I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
