But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
