I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
