well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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