Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
