I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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