If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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