just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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