who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
