I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
