is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
