I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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