girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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