please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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